Labor Pains

Disclaimer: I started the below post about a month ago. It took a while to complete and now I'm just days away from my due date, which I am constantly reminding myself is just a date. Doesn't mean your baby will be here by then. Given the fact that Blake was a couple days early, I kept thinking it would be the same with this one. However, that is not necessarily the case.

 (Sometime in early August)

With just under four weeks to go, many things are starting to run through my mind. The fact that we only have a few short weeks left of being a family of 3. The growing excitement to meet this new little member. How big will she be? What will she look like? What will her cry sound like? Wondering how we will adapt to the new addition and change. Wondering how Blake will adjust to all the newness. The birth plan. Oh man, the birth plan. Will we have her room ready in time? Will she come early or slow play her arrival? Having had a baby just 18 months ago, I can remember getting closer to the due date and again, many thoughts ran through my mind. I was curious and scared of going into labor. My plan was to attempt an unmedicated birth if at all possible, but the thought of unknown contractions was all very intimidating. Somehow, by the grace of God, I was able to literally push through without the epidural. After pushing for almost 4 hours I ended up with a little pitocin to give my contractions more power. With the help from that, and the rising risk of a c-section, I managed to find what little strength I had left and bring Blake earth-side.

I remember the pain of contractions really hurt. I remember at one point telling my midwife I couldn't do another three hours of it, but I was only 6cm. She helped me decide to try one more position on my side, and asked if I could get through three contractions like that. After I got the hang of it, I was able to go about 30 minutes, at which point she checked me again and I was 9.5cm! What a relief! To be able to start pushing took so much of the pain away. It still wasn't a walk in the park by any means, but I was able to push back against the pain and intensity, and that made a world of a difference. Afterward, once you're holding your baby in your arms, you sort of forget about all that you just endured. It doesn't seem so bad, and since then, I've always just planned to try and do the same thing again once the time came.

However. Now that the delivery of baby #2 will soon be upon us, fear and doubt are creeping in. What if the pain is worse than I remember? What if my water breaks at work? What if it takes longer? What if, what if, what if? I pray almost daily for peace and the health and safety of both of us through the whole process. One thing I've learned about birth, is that you can't plan or guarantee for one specific thing to happen. Sometimes those plans go out the window and I am so hoping the process is as smooth and as easy as can be. But in the back of my mind, I'm trying to prepare myself for the what ifs that may come our way. And I know I've mentioned "we" and "our" a lot... This was not an accident. Yes, I'm the one carrying the baby. Yes, I'm the one birthing the baby. But Matt was by my side the entire time with Blake, and I know he will do the same again with this baby. I couldn't have done it without his support, and I am so grateful for his encouragement. We were both so new to this whole journey, but he took each step in stride and I felt more confident going forward knowing he had my back. It truly has been, and will continue being, a journey of us. And in a few short weeks, what we know of us will change once more. Some days it may be a bit more challenging. Some days it may be more tiring. But most days it will be so rewarding and fulfilling. Our family is growing and I'm so excited to see how it unfolds.