Monday Musings

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Last month, my aunt suffered two massive heart attacks and has been in the hospital/rehab ever since. She called 911 before the first one actually happened, and collapsed during her call with them. When paramedics arrived, her heart had stopped. They had to use the AED to get it going again, and then she had the second heart attack after arriving to the hospital. I knew something was wrong that morning on my way to work, because I saw an incoming call from my mom, and she never calls that early. I answered and she said, I have some bad news.

Our family has rallied since. We have a really strong support system, and even though half are miles away, we text often and it is especially comforting during times of trouble. I am so grateful for each of them, and I know we are all praying for Sandy, her doctors, each other, and trusting that God has His hand on the entire process.

Now I don't know about you, but during certain situations, my imagination and thoughts can get the best of me. Sometimes it's when I get run down and sleepy. Sometimes it's when stressful events are happening in my life. Sometimes it's when I'm so busy and don't have any calm and quiet. During these times of heightened stimulus I tend to let my mind wander, and it's never to good places. Usually triggered by something I see on Instagram (or sometimes the news), I'll go down a rabbit hole of sadness. I have so much empathy for the people I read about, it's almost like I take on their burdens. I can get too emotionally involved reading their stories, and then I can't help but to imagine the scenarios in my own life... and I get consumed with this darkness. It isn't even my reality, but somehow I've taken on these situations I read about, and try to carry the weight.

Now, I think everyone should have some level of empathy. I think it makes you a more rounded person and able to see the other side of the coin. However, when it starts to consume you, it becomes unhealthy. I think I've struggled with this for years, but it has been increasingly apparent now that I have kids. The what ifs, the unknowns, the darkness that hides in the shadows of my mind. Sometimes it is really hard to overcome. And I don't necessarily consider myself a 'religious' person to some standards. But I believe in God and that He has a plan. I may not always understand the plan, or like it, but I believe His hand is orchestrating the things of life, and when I get deep into the darkness, I try and remind myself of this. I don't have to live by fear. I don't have to let the unknowns of the world weigh down on me. Each day I have is a new chance to live to the fullest, and I sometimes have to remind myself, we were not made to live in fear. We don't find freedom in fear. So here's to a new day. Here's to finding the peace that surpasses all understanding. Here's to living life to the fullest and not taking a moment for granted. Here's to life, and peace, and as cheesy as it sounds, here's to love.