One of Those Weeks

It's been one of those weeks... You know, one that hasn't been easy. Filled with challenges, emotions, worries, hormones (don't get me started on the hormones), a little anxiety and definitely some frustrations. On a material level, Matt's iPhone was completely busted (dropped in the road and run over, at least once), but thankfully Apple did a swap for half the cost of a new phone. Then our washing machine crapped out. And by crapped out, I mean, it completely shut down and stopped working... Mid-cycle, lid-locked and all. Getting the clothes out and rinsed, and then draining the water took a few days. The first replacement part we ordered helped, but it's still broken. So a fixed washer is still pending and my fingers are crossed that the next piece Matt ordered will fix it. The pile of laundry that is mounting makes me cringe just thinking about it.

It's also been a tough week emotionally. Sometimes I have a hard time allowing myself to be frustrated or annoyed with things. That may seem strange, but as soon as I start to have negative thoughts, I stop and think about all the good things I have in my life, and then I feel guilty for feeling upset. I know there are others in situations much worse than me or going through something really difficult, and I don't believe my feelings are justified after I stop and think about that. I'm not entirely sure that is fair though... Even though what I'm going through may not be life threatening or full of true hardship, it doesn't mean that my feelings are any less real. I can still feel alone, even when I'm surrounded by people. I can still feel afraid, of the things that are unknown. I can still become frustrated that the same 24 hours I'm given, don't produce the results that I think others achieve with their 24 hours. I can still become discouraged that I'm not doing enough as a wife or a mother. I can still  have times where I feel inadequate in my job, or as a small shop owner. I can still desire to dream bigger and work harder.

So yes. To be honest, I think I've felt all of that in the last couple weeks. And maybe I need to take some time to think about why I'm feeling those things, and to accept that it's how I feel. I don't need to compare what I'm going through to those around me. Not to say I can't support those who are dealing with hardship, but to not disregard my own feelings because I think they aren't 'worthy' to be felt. It's interesting to take the time to sit and think about these things... I already feel like I've grown a little, having admitted to myself that I don't have to feel guilty for my thoughts. It's really eye opening and I'm not sure I would have acknowledged it without taking the time to write this all out. I usually have an idea of where I want to start, but sometimes the end result is surprising even to me. But life is all about growing, and I'm the first to admit that I still have a lot of it to do.